


Cold Sniper, Hot Lead

by ruff_ethereal



Category: Borderlands, Frozen - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Gen, Series Spoilers, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-17
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-01 23:16:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2791280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruff_ethereal/pseuds/ruff_ethereal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The cold, unfeeling and professional sniper Elsa happens to meet the warm, enthusiastic, and highly incompetent gunner Anna. Against the former's better judgement, she decides to let the latter tag along.</p><p>Together, they go on adventures, learn about each other, become Vault Hunters, and maybe even find friends amidst the deadly, inhospitable world of Promethea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Impressions

They stood on the hot Promethean sands, amidst blood, corpses, and broken guns.

One was a tall, fair skinned platinum blonde in an ice blue dress cut short at the thighs, her legs covered with leather and metal armour plates. She was wearing what appeared to be a pair of stilettoes, but on closer inspection were carbon-fiber boots with springs and shock absorbers on the heel.

The other was a shorter, fair skinned redhead in well-worn jacket and pants combo, scraps of spare metal and leather clumsily jury-rigged all over her body as some form of armour; it looked ready to fall apart all on its own any second now. She wore thick, well-traveled boots, ones that used to be black and intricately designed, but time and dust had worn all features off.

“What in the world are you using?” Elsa asked, pointing at the other woman.

Anna held up her weapon. It was a Bandit assault rifle, spare parts and random junk soldered together into the shape of a gun, then painted over with loud “intimidating” colours with a silly, childish shark decal on the barrel. It was also covered in blood, mud, scorch marks, dust, gun oil, and fingerprints.

Elsa recoiled. “Don’t you ever clean your gun?!”

Anna blinked. “Wait, you’re supposed to clean guns?”

Elsa held up her own weapon. A finely crafted Jakobs sniper rifle, the silver body gleaming in the light, the wooden stocks polished with a fresh coat of wax. Though you couldn’t see it, even the internals were pristine, every last bolt cleaned, polished, and oiled.

"Cleaning is a vital part in keeping your gun in peak operating condition, especially against jamming."

“Huh.” The gunner blinked. “So… I guess that’s why my guns jam so much?”

The sniper groaned. “So you’ve just been going through every battle with weapons that could fail you at the worst possible moment?”

“Hey, I don’t get into that many battles!” Anna protested, “It’s only every other hour or so. That’s pretty good by Promethean standards, right?”

Elsa blinked. _‘Oh stars above, she is one of_ those _people._ ’ The exception to the rule, the hopeless case that managed to schlep and scrape through the hostile, unforgiving universe scathed, bruised, and bloody but always alive, with the worst of the worst equipment and a constant stream of bad luck.

It was a miracle she had even survived long enough to be having this conversation.

“Come with me, now.” Elsa said, grabbing her hand and pulling her into the direction of the nearest civilized settlement.

“Wait!” Anna cried, pointing at the scattered bodies and guns roasting on the sands, “I haven’t even looted the bodies yet!”

The sniper cast a quick glance at the loot. Cash and valuables had already been picked up and sent to their respective bank accounts; all that was left was cheap white grade gear, weapons that stood more of a chance of falling apart on their own than even Anna’s gear was.

“Those are just whites!”

“But I still need to sell them for money!” The gunner whined.

“Are you really that—“ Elsa stopped herself, and let go. She watched as Anna rocketed off, back to the bodies and started picking up as much saleable trash as her SDU could contain.

It would have been a good time to leave. The scrabs would be on the massacre soon enough, a giant horde of massive scorpions with huge pincers that could snap a man in half like a twig. However many bullets the rifle’s box magazine could carry, Elsa doubted that Anna had the ammo nor the skills to deal with a horde of hungry scavengers with natural armour plating.

The sniper could easily have left her to her fate, and back to civilization right on schedule. What did she care about this clumsy oaf who somehow made a portion of the hundreds of thousands of bullets she shot hit their target? If anything, helping her would just be delaying the inevitable and damning herself to her bad luck, too.

But, as Elsa looked back at the helpless looking Anna scrolling through her SDU HUD, frantically comparing weapons to decide what she should drop and what she should keep, she felt a tug in her heart. An emotion she hadn’t felt in a long time.

What was it called again? Pity? Mercy? A damn about what happened to other people?

She shook her head, took a position on top of a rock, and started doing a slow sweep of the area through her scope. Names and emotions could be pondered later, when there weren’t bandits and wildlife she was supposed to be keeping away.


	2. Hoofing It

Anna groaned, and dropped onto her butt. “I just want to go home!” She whined.

“Patience, Anna,” Elsa replied as she kept on scanning the rock formations in the distance, “I have a Barracuda; we’ll find it in time.”

“Is there any way we can find it faster?”

Before the sniper could reply, in that same patch of rock formations, something exploded. Several bandits froze to death where they stood, or got impaled on huge shards of ice, all jutting out of a shady cove.

Elsa smiled. “Yes.”

“Great!” Anna rocketed back up her feet, all traces of exhaustion gone from her face, a grin it its place, “Let’s roll!” The gunner dashed down the dune into the direction of the ice trap.

“Anna, wait--!” The sniper shook her head, holstered her rifle, and started running after her.

What they saw when they got there wiped the smile right off of Anna’s face.

“Stupid… bike…” A Badass Psycho on the ground said as he whacked the Barracuda with his buzzaxe, “Killed… all my friends… and wouldn’t even… let me—“

The smoking, burning hoverbike finally exploded. Both women ducked out of the way just as frozen shards, hunks of dead bandits, and flaming metal flew out.

“Correction:” Elsa said as she wiped the sand off of her face, “I _had_ a Barracuda.”

Anna spat out the dirt and dust in her mouth, and turned to her companion with a wide-eyed, open mouthed expression of horror. “What are we going to do now?!”

The sniper calmly picked herself up, and strode into the wreckage. Only the buzzaxe and bloody, frozen hunks remained of the Badass, which was good; only a burning hunk of a Barracuda skeleton frame remained of her vehicle, which was bad.

Elsa sighed, and opened up her map. “We find the nearest Scoot ‘N’ Spring station, and we start walking.” She started panning through the holographic interface.

From her new position sitting in the shade, where the burning and scorch marks were least, Anna cried out in horror.

The sniper snapped to her in an instant, eyes full of worry. “Is something wrong?”

“No, **lots** of things are wrong!” The gunner yelled, throwing her arms up into the air, “I’m hot, I’m thirsty, we’re in the middle of nowhere, and I’m making it all worse by complaining to a complete stranger whose been nothing but nice to me and—ugh!” She fell back to the ground with a puff of dust, before erupting into a mild coughing fit.

Elsa blinked, and slowly walked over. “Don’t you have any water with you?”

“I did,” Anna replied, “I was getting my first drink out in the field when the bandits shot my canteen full of holes. I spent all of last week saving up for that ration, too.” She continued, clearly holding back tears.

The sniper sighed, pulled out her canteen, and knelt besides her companion. “Here, drink mine.”

Anna looked up at the offering, and blinked to hold back the tears and clear the dust from her eyes. “You’re giving me your water?”

Elsa nodded. “Yes, all of it. Drink up, and don’t waste a drop.”

The gunner balked. “I can’t do that! Water’s like, crazy expensive here on Promethea!”

“And you’re wasting ever more of it by carping and complaining, Anna, so shut up and start drinking!” The sniper practically shoved the container into her partner’s hands.

Eyes open in terror, Anna shakily picked up the offering, twisted the lid, and started drinking in slow, careful gulps.

Elsa blinked, looked at her companion, and shook her head, her expression immediately softening. “Anna… I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m just… it’s just… I can buy more water, but I can’t buy another you.”

Anna stopped drinking, and carefully pulled the canteen out of her mouth. She looked right into her companion’s eyes, and suddenly, she smiled.

Elsa found herself smiling, too, in spite of the roiling confusion in her head. “Come on, every last drop.”

The canteen was quickly emptied, and handed back with a satisfied smile.

“How are you feeling?” Elsa asked as she helped Anna back up to her feet.

“Still hot, but no longer thirsty, thanks to you!” The gunner looked out onto the horizon, and saw the nearly endless sands still glowing with heat. “Not sure if I can handle any more of this unless we stop and rest a while here, though.”

“I’ve got an answer for that, too.” Elsa walked over to her companion, “Hold still.”

A large part of her brain screamed at her that this was a bad idea. A small part of her whispered at her to go for it.

Anna adopted an adorably serious face as she stood at complete attention.

“Anna,” The sniper said as she held her hands close to the gunner’s cheeks, “Relax. You’ll be alright, I promise.”

Anna lost the stiffness and was back to her usual, loose, and flowing self, the one that couldn’t seem to stop moving even while standing still.

Elsa closed her eyes, and started to focus her powers. Instead of the rage, the anger, the indignation she channeled to freeze bandits solid, she started to think of more positive thoughts: the excitement of finding a valuable piece of loot in a chest; the serenity of dismantling and polishing her guns; faint memories of a time long ago and a place light years away about a sister, winter, and a snowman…

A thin, cooling mist flowed from her hands, gently swirling around Anna’s form. Thin wisps reached out to her like arms, caressing her cheeks, the bits of exposed skin on her body, before settling down below their feet in an ethereal fog.

“Elsa?”

The mist stopped flowing. The rest of the frost fell down to the ground, before quickly evaporating from the sheer heat of Promethea. Elsa opened her eyes, and saw Anna looking right at her, a big smile on her face.

“Not hot or thirsty anymore. Thanks.”

* * *

“So, how’d you end up here on Promethea, anyway?” Anna asked as she scaled a dune.

Elsa was already at the top, scanning the horizon for foes with her rifle. “It’s a long, sordid story; I don’t want to talk about it.”

The gunner nodded as she finally crested the small hill. “Okay. Want to hear about mine?”

“What’s with all the questions all of a sudden, Anna?” Elsa asked as she lowered her rifle and started walking down the dune.

“Do you want to make this long walk in complete silence?” The gunner lost her footing and fell on her bum, inelegantly sliding the whole way down. “Ow.” She carefully stood up. “Okay, I think _most_ of it didn’t make it inside my pants… oh…”

Elsa shook her head, and rushed over to help her out. “You okay?” Anna nodded. “Good. Back on track: do you _really_ want to know, or are you just biding time and filling in the silence?”

“Both.”

The sniper sighed, and looked at her free hand. “Let’s start with yours, then. I’ll decide if this is a really good idea after you finish telling.”

“Fair enough!” Anna dusted her hands on her pants, and started walking once more. “Well, to start with, I was engaged to be married.”

Elsa raised an eyebrow. “Really now?”

“Well, it wasn’t exactly the happiest, most romantic, or… sane engagement.” The gunner looked down. “I kind of… well, said that I’d marry the guy the night I met him.” She turned to look at her companion’s confused face, and sighed. “I… I was a pretty lonely girl, alright?”

The sniper nodded and focused on the sands in front of her.

“Anyway… it felt like the most epic whirlwind romance of all time. Well, it was my _first_ romance at any rate, and that’s kind of how it always feels like, right? We were due to be married a few days afterward, then I kind of got lost at my parent’s mansion, and managed to overhear a conversation going on in one of the secret passages.”

Anna stopped. “Heh. ‘Secret passages.’ You’d think they were only in the movies, but then there I was, pressing my ear against the wall and listening in. It… wasn’t a fun conversation. I learned he was planning to marry me, then have me ‘tragically killed’ during our honeymoon so he could take my stocks and some of my family’s property.”

Elsa gasped. “That’s horrible!”

The gunner nodded sadly. “It was. What was even more horrible is that I sort of… yelled when I heard they were planning to kill me.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah. I ran to my bedroom and took as much cash and valuables as I could, but before I could leave, there was my fiancé in the door. Well, I know I don’t have much upper body strength but when you throw an adrenalin-fueled punch at a chiseled jaw with a handful of precious jewelry… welp!” She giggled.

The sniper found herself chuckling, too.

“Got into a cab and scrammed. He couldn’t remotely lock down a public vehicle. Headed to the starport in a fancy dress with dozens of valuables on my person, traded them all as fast as I could for as much cash I could get. I got a lot of bad deals, but the alternative was a lot worse. I bought a ticket to the farthest, cheapest destination possible, and it was only later that I found out it was Promethea, and what exactly this planet is known for.”

“Too late to turn back, huh?”

“Yep. Border ships go one way, strictly no stops or dropping off people along the way. It’s a dangerous place if you land for even a minute to go to the bathroom—your ship will probably be gone by the time you get back. If there was any bright side to it: Hans never got the stocks and the property, and he ‘mysteriously’ met his end in a ‘tragic’ car crash after he tried to scram in one of the family cars.”

Elsa smiled.

Anna sighed. “Bad news is, I’m here, and, well, even on a private ship it’s hard to get a ride back. So… I guess Promethea is my home now.”

Elsa frowned. “I know that feeling.” She reached over and patted her companion on the shoulder.

The gunner looked up at the sniper with curious eyes. “You do?”

“It’s—“

_“It’s time to Scoot ‘N’ Spring, y’all! Ugh, I can never nail that damned accent!”_

Both women looked up. The vehicle station was some distance away, close enough for them to make a simple sprint and get a ride.

“Heh…” Anna said, “Guess we can talk in the car?”

Elsa nodded. “Yeah.”


	3. On the Road to Nowhere

“Anna! A Scamper is faster, it will get us back to town faster!”

“I hate Scampers! Have you seen just how fast those cars can move? How little armour there is on them? How easy you can get turned over or run right off a cliff?!”

“I’ll be driving, you man the machine gun turret, and Anna, there aren’t any cliffs for miles, just more sand.”

“Doesn’t change a thing!” The gunner threw her arms up into the air, “They’re still gravy boxes with cat faces, wheels, and rockets strapped to the back!”

_“Don’t be missin’ out on some sweet wheels! Catch-a-ride!”_

“And somehow, a big, massive, and most importantly slow Grumbler will be better?”

“It’s got better firepower! And we can throw our stuff in the bed. And it’s got a lot of armour. Or one of us can sit in the bed. Have you ever gotten to ride in the truck bed? I never did.”

Elsa sucked in a deep, patient breath. “I’m getting us a Scamper.” She turned and activated the Scoot ‘N’ Spring station.

“Elsa!”

_“Did y’all know that by puttin’ me and that Springs chick’s heads together we dun turned the fatality rate of our cars from 60% to a whoppin’ 80%?! Wait, what, that’s a_ bad _thing? Aw, hell…”_

A stock light grey Scamper materialized on one of the platforms, a skeletal dune buggy frame with plates on most of the important areas, huge wheels, and two almost-literal bucket seats, one with a machine gun turret. It also had a cougar-face hood, and claw shaped covers on the front wheels.

Anna groaned, and walked up to the car. “Wait, grey? You’re not even going to change the colour?”

The sniper blinked. “Are we seriously having a conversation about car colours, in the middle of nowhere?”

“Well, if you’re going ride something, might as well make it pretty, right?”

Elsa turned to the Scoot ‘N’ Spring station once more.

_“Get your meathunks—that’s Moon for ‘hands’—on a car!”_

The Scamper disappeared, and in its place was a Grumbler—a massive truck shaped like a dump truck, with a raised turret and a sawblade-shooting gun beside the driver’s seat. Heavy metal plating was welded all over its sides.

All of it was in bright, bubblegum pink.

Anna rushed over and hugged her companion. Elsa tried not to smile. (She was supposed to be annoyed!) The gunner immediately climbed on the side and hopped into the turret. “Elsa! Get on! Just keep your head down, I might whack you with this gun.”

With another shake of the head, she climbed up the ladder into the driver’s seat. With the distinctive unpleasant rumbling that gave it its name, the Grumbler chugged out of the station and to the buildings in the distance.

_“Did you know that former Crimson Lance Assassin Athena only drives Scoot ‘N’ Spring?”_

_“Janey, you two are the only—“_

_“Details, details!”_

* * *

 

“So, how’d _you_ end up on Promethea?”

Elsa looked up from her driving as the Grumbler effortlessly clambered off of a dune and onto some rocks. “Excuse me?”

Anna groaned. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten already! The deal! I told you my story, now you have to tell me mine!”

The sniper blinked. “Ah. Right. Well…” She debated trying to find some way to get out of this.

Did Anna really need to know about her long, sordid history? The other woman had already shared her awful past and how she had ended up on this hellhole of a planet, and they had made a deal but… could she really be trusted with a secret of this magnitude?

“I bet it has something to do with those ice hands, right?”

Elsa blinked, and broke out of her trance. “Err, yes…it does.”

The gunner hummed as she completed another 360 scan of the surroundings. Sand, dirt, rocks, no bandits still. Strange. “Is it some sort of Maliwan prototype you stole?”

“Maliwan was intensely interested in them, yes, but no, they never got involved except for offers.”

“So you invented them?”

The sniper pulled one hand from the wheel, and examined her bare hand, covered in dust, sweat, sand, blood, and a few flecks of grease. “I wish. Then I’d know how I do it.”

Anna blinked. “Wait, so here you are, shooting ice from your fingertips, and yet you don’t know how you do it?”

Elsa sighed. “I know how to control it. My emotions tend to affect what happens. With bandits, I just channel how much hatred and loathing I have for them and whatever produces the ice does the rest for me. I just point out my hand and fwoosh! Bandit-cicles.”

“So how’d you not turn me into an Anna-cicle?”

“I wasn’t angry at you, Anna. I was being positive. Happy thoughts.”

“Like what?”

“Well, like…” The sniper looked down at the steering wheel, and found herself at a loss for answers. “… I should get back to driving.”

“Can you give me those powers? Because I’d love to have them.”

Elsa recoiled, and brought the car to a jolting halt. The Grumbler gave a long wheeze and a whine, its hundreds of pounds of metal groaning as it slowly shifted about on its suspension, before it was finally still. The sniper climbed out of the driver’s seat, ducked her head around the gun, and used it to pull herself right up to Anna’s confused, worried face.

“Listen to me, Anna,” Elsa said softly, “These powers? You do not want them. Because all they have done is _ruin_ my life.”

She climbed back inside, and started the car once more.

Anna frowned, then nodded, continuing her sweep. Still no bandits, not even a single Scamper or Barracuda out scouting.

“… Do you know if you can at least teach me how to find out if I have powers?”

Elsa shook her head. “I honestly don’t know if you even have them, Anna. Every single one of us is unique; some of us are born with unique skills or powers, some of us aren’t.”

“Crudcakes. I was banking on you being able to tell me.”

The sniper looked up again. “Tell you about what?”

“Well…” The gunner was facing away when she spoke again, “It’s stupid but I want to have a really cool skill or technique or a piece of gear that is totally all mine.”

“Can you explain it to me a little further?”

“Well, you know Zer0 right?”

“One of the heroes of Pandora during the reign of Handsome Jack, yes.” Elsa nodded.

“You know how he likes to throw out decoys of himself, so he can stab people in the back or shoot them in the head when they’re all looking at the dummy?”

“Ah. I get it now.”

“I wish I had one of those.”

“Well… you’ve survived this long, haven’t you noticed anything strange? Something that might have helped you out in battle or just survive?”

“I… think…? Well, sometimes in battle, when things are going badly, I think I get really excited, or really angry, it’s hard to tell which. I start to move faster, everything hurts a lot less, and when I kill them, suddenly it’s like the bullet wounds just weren’t there in the first place. I start running faster, too, and this one time when a Badass Psycho tried to rush me, I punched him as we met and he sort of… exploded.”

_“Exploded?”_

“Not the grenade, kind! Well, actually yeah, if we’re talking about the regular Maliwan exploding fire grenades. Like the moment my fist hit his face this huge ball of fire erupted from him and then he was on fire, and then the others were on fire, and then…” Anna trailed off, her eyes widening.

“FIRE!”

Elsa saw it, too, but she was too shocked to speak.

The town was ablaze. All around, people were screaming and running, gunned down by laughing bandits on Barracudas, or splattered on their wheels as they screamed through the streets on Scampers. A few unfortunate souls had the bad luck to be run over by Grumblers instead.

The car stopped a good distance away from the town.

“Maybe we should turn back and find a different town.” Anna whispered.

“Oh, you’re not doing that!” An unknown, female voice cried. Their heads turned to the side and they saw a tricked out Barracuda decorated in spikes and scrab claws come roaring straight at them. The hoverbike screeched to a halt on its side, not six feet away from the truck.

The rider had a spiky, tall Mohawk, completely covered and dyed in black-red blood. Her face was covered in ugly, long, and jagged scars. She wore shoddy armour, a motley pattern of leather, animal parts, metal, and cloth, all covered with spikes and pointy animal bits. But what really set her off was her left foot: it was clad in a metal and leather boot, one that made it look a giant, flat-bottomed spike. Barely visible through the slots was a deformed foot, smaller and longer than it should be.

“Listen up, ladies!” She screamed as she revved her bike once more, “You’re in **MY** territory now!”

**Little Long Foot**

_Her boot wasn’t made for walking._


	4. Boiling Point

Anna pointed the turret at the Barracuda.

“Woah, Red,” Little Long Foot said, mockingly raising her arms up into the sky, “You better not be thinking of firing that little gun in your hands, because you see:”

Half a dozen Barracudas, three Scampers, and a Grumbler rolled up to surround them, all with the front mounted guns and turrets pointed at Anna and Elsa.

“Me, my boys, and girls? We have _way_ more guns than you do.”

Elsa scowled. Anna grumbled, her finger right over the trigger.

The bandit queen dismounted, casually walking up to the front of the truck, her spiky, metal boot making an awkward thunk in the sands as she stepped. “How about you two get out of this Grumbler of yours, have some of my gals and guys take it from yer hands, make it all pretty, proper, and not pink?”

“Do what she says, Anna.” The sniper said as she climbed out of the driver’s seat.

“But Elsa--!”

“I said, do what she says, Anna.”

The gunner scowled. Reluctantly, she climbed out of the turret. Two bandits were waiting for them each, guns ready and pointed right at their heads and chests. They escorted them at gun-point right before their leader.

Little Long Foot smiled, the gashes and scars on her face contorting into an even uglier look. “Well, look at you two…” She casually walked up to them, her metal foot making that awkward thunk once more, “Aren’t you two just quite the catch?”

The spike of her foot rested between Elsa’s feet, the spear-point toe shining in the sun. Her hands rested on her hips as she leaned in and brought her face uncomfortably close. “Got Blue here with all that flawless skin—little dirty, but I’ll take it—that freaky white hair, and these pretty blue eyes.” She moved downwards. “Shame she’s got this dress on; I’d love to see what’s under it.” She chuckled and her men and women joined the laughter.

The sniper bit down the urge to freeze her right there and then.

Little Long Foot inspected Anna next, her face as uncomfortably close as earlier. “Got Red here with the rosy cheeks, and these funky eyes, can’t tell if it’s supposed to be blue, can’t tell if it’s supposed to be green, but I’m green, green, green with envy!”

Elsa suddenly found the urge to blast her that much stronger.

Anna recoiled. “Ugh, your breath smells like piss and blood!”

The bandit queen frowned. “And she’s got a mouth on her, too! No problem, though; we can always cut it out.” She looked down, and chuckled once more. “Not like you’ll be needing it, once we get all that pesky junk off of ya.”

She finally walked away and left the two in relative peace, gun barrels digging into their backs.

“Hey! Somebody get me a Grumbler without people in the back! I was gonna say get the Scampers and the rope, but these chicks are too pretty to just ruin like that!” Little Long Foot threw her head back and laughed once more.

Both women narrowed their eyes at her, and waited for the Grumbler to arrive.

* * *

“Hey, Boss, we found a survivor!” Cried a bandit as she hailed her companions over, “Look at this old fat guy!”

Oaken came forward, a blubbering, crying mess, holding his arms close to his chest, his head down. “Oh, please, please, please…” He mumbled pathetically, “Please, please…”

Little Long Foot and her bandits laughed at the sight. “Look at this fatass just crying! Ha! Boo-hoo-hoo, your precious little town and all your family and friends got _killed.”_

“Please, please, please…”

Manacled together on a post in the center of town, the Anna and Elsa could only watch. The gunner struggled with her chains once more, the sniper wistfully cast a glance at their weapons and gear, thrown onto their own separate piles amidst all the loot and valuables the bandits had ransacked from the town.

“Please? Please, let me shove my little long boot up your ass?” The bandit queen raised her metal spike boot, “Sure, why the hell not? Come on, boys and girls, let’s all take turns shoving _all_ our boots up his ass!”

The marauders all laughed and cheered, quickly forming a crowded circle around the crying man.

“Please, please, please…”

Elsa closed her eyes, and started focusing her powers. Frost and ice started to fall around her hands, and from her chains. The cold was biting at Anna’s skin, but she kept on struggling, her skin turning steadily red, and redder.

“Please, Little Long Foot, be the first one to go?” She raised her steel-toed boot, “Ha, it’ll be my pleasure.” The bandit queen stepped behind him, and readied her kick.

The chains rattled and stopped, a thick layer of ice forming all over them. Deep within the icy prison, something glowed red hot, the intensity of the heat forcing the blocks and the metal to start cracking.

Oaken finally looked up, and noticed all of the bodies crowded around him. His eyes glinted, and he finally let go of what he was holding, and screamed:

“PLEASE, HAVE SOME FREE GRENADE SAMPLES, COURTESY OF OAKENS!”

The chains shattered in a shower of ice shards and fiery sparks and set Anna and Elsa free. Then, the whole square shook from the force of the explosions, blood, hunks of dead bandit, and guns flying everywhere. The rotund man was laughing like a maniac as he ran towards the women, completely unscathed.

“Explosion-proof shields!” He cried, “Valuable product available at Oaken’s! Oh!” His eyes opened in pleasant surprise, “You’ve already freed yourselves!”

They held up their now free hands, and wiggled their unimpeded fingers. They were both staring at the cheerful, sunny man with the tear-stained cheeks and the red-streaked eyes, their expressions stupefied and confused, brains still processing what just happened.

Oaken roared with laughter, tossed out another batch of grenades behind him and at the bandits, and offered his now free hands. “Well, don’t just stand there, ladies, there are still stupid bandit asses to kill!”

They both nodded, let themselves be helped up, and ran to grab their guns and gear.

Anna pulled the priming pin back on her assault rifle and opened fire on the dumbstruck and injured survivors, most of them still laying on the dirt and crawling. Elsa sprung up to a roof with her sniper rifle in hand, and started peeling off shot after shot at the marauders, grinning with delight as they wrapped their bloodstained hands on their weapons only to get a bullet right through their skulls.

Oaken took refuge behind some ruins, and pulled out more grenades from the SDUs strapped to his chest. “More free samples!” He yelled as the pandemonium started anew. “I am feeling **generous!”**

The bandits’ screams of death and confusion filled the air, only to be drowned out by the explosions of the grenades, the steady thrum of machine gun bullets and the powerful zips of sniper rounds filling in the time between detonations.

Little Long Foot scrambled to her feet, her steel-toed boot catching in the dirt and tripping her several times before she finally stood up and saw most of her crew being picked off like flies; perforated with bullets, shot in the head, or blown up by grenades.

She knew she couldn’t get back to her Barracuda, nor were the boys and girls any help now. “Just gonna have to take one of them with me...” She grumbled as she set her sights on Anna. With a guttural yell of pure rage, the bandit queen rushed at her target.

Anna was just reloading her gun when she saw the screaming, furious bandit after her.

The same bandit that had ordered the attack on this town.

The same bandit that had killed all of these innocent people.

The same bandit that had almost killed her, Elsa, and that nice, helpful man named Oaken.

The rifle was dropped to the ground, its box latched on but the belt yet to be fed. Anna ran right up to Little Long Foot, rearing her fist back, and screaming her own battle cry:

“YOU’RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!”

Elsa stopped shooting and put down her scope. Oaken kept on throwing blindly. They watched the two women come at each other, one throwing a kick with her steel-toed boot, one throwing a punch with her bare fist.

Anna made contact first.

The smouldering, smoking corpse of what was once Little Long Foot crashed to the ground and skidded to a halt several feet away. Anna’s hand was still burning and smoking with fire as she leaned down, and picked up the assault rifle that had fallen from the body.

“And to start with,” Anna said as she held up her new gun, “I’m going to kill you and take your stuff.”


	5. The Long Way Round

A bandit ran up to the edge of town, and watched as there was nothing but dust and roaring vehicles in the distance waiting for them.

“You guys su—“

Elsa put a bullet in their head. “Language,” She scolded under her breath.

 _“This town seems to be completely clear,”_ Anna said over the ECHO, _“No more bandits, no more supplies… and no more survivors, either. We seem to be the only ones left, plus Oaken.”_

“Understood.” The sniper jumped off the roof and landed back to the deserted streets. “Did you find the Grumbler?”

_“Still in one piece and pink! I, uh, had Oaken drive it back for me.”_

“I take it you’re back at the square with all of the loot, then?”

_“Yep! Still here and in one piece. There’s a dead bandit under it, though.”_

“Par for the course on Promethea. I’m coming over.” Elsa started walking, “Have you decided what you want to do with it?”

_“Well, obviously we give Oaken back his stuff… and we can’t just leave it here, too. The bandits will probably use them for no good, but I feel… icky about taking dead folks’ stuff.”_

“They’re not going to need it anymore, Anna.”

_“Yeah, well, for bandits I know I killed them for their stuff, but this… this was someone’s life savings.”_

Elsa frowned. “Anna, you’re not thinking of doing something like burying all of that loot in the town, are you?”

_“What? Of course not! I, uh, don’t even think I can afford the shovel.”_

“Then let’s take what we need from the pile, enough to get us by through the day, we load the rest onto the back of the Grumbler, and decide what to do with it later.”

_“Sounds good to me. So this sweet shotgun…?”_

“Take it. It’s little use without someone firing them, and best it’s not bandits.”

_“Awesome! I still feel terrible for these people, though.”_

“Know that we’ve done all we can for them, Anna. We’ve avenged their deaths, at the least.”

_“Yeah… hey, you still haven’t told me your story, about why you’re on Promethea.”_

Elsa sighed. “Well, you two have saved my life, I guess I at least owe you an answer. Let’s load up the loot on the Grumbler, I’ll take turret, you ride in the bed, then we’ll talk.”

_“I get to ride in the truck bed? Woo!”_

* * *

“The truck bed seat actually stinks.” Anna said as she hung back on the bed of the Grumbler, hand on her new assault rifle, an eye on the pile of assorted valuables beside her.

“Well, there’s no changing seats without completely stopping the car, Anna, so I guess you’ll have to just deal with it until we get back to the Bunker.” Elsa explained as she turned the turret around to look for hostiles.

“Can you get started on that story now? My butt is starting to hurt.”

The sniper nodded. “My story starts with a motto: don't let them in, don't let them see. Be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know.

“I had a cushy executive level job over at Atlas, in one of their offices on Themis. I was renowned for my professionalism and level-headedness, being able to handle even the most emotional, temperamental, and volatile clients with ease, a patient smile on my face, a calm tone, and a cool head.

“Most people ask me how I do it. It’s easy: I never got close to anyone. Never trusted anyone, never made friends, never went out to social gatherings with the intent to actually socialize. To everyone, I was the perfect little executive, one of the company’s darlings, because none of them ever got to know just how scared, fed-up, and downright angry I could be.

“I’d sailed through life just going through that motto. It was a lonely life, granted, but it was a good life. Safe. Sane. Comfortable.

“Then, one day, we received big news: one of our failed investments, Pandora, was finally bearing fruit. News of an Eridian Vault spread, and four Vault Hunters, an Angel, and a man with a vision changed the universe forever.”

“Is this where your powers come in?” Anna asked.

Elsa shook her head. “No. I’ve always had my powers. But before the Vault, it was just parlor tricks. Little snaps of frost, a few playful wisps from my fingers, maybe a miniature snowflake. Maybe my handshake would feel a little chilly, maybe touching me would make your fingertips cold, and if I tried really, really hard, I could make someone’s skin numb for about a second.

“But after the Vault opened, things went downhill. When they wanted me to go down to Pandora and negotiate with the locals, I froze my desk before I could say ‘Yes.’

“My powers couldn’t lie. My powers wouldn’t _let_ me lie. I couldn’t put up the act anymore. My hand would be freezing, my cold shoulder could be seen a mile away, and my smile was literally frosty.

“I was horrified. Atlas was positively delighted! They made me a deal: let myself be researched, let them use the findings for their own technology, and they’d provide everything I could ever need or want.”

“That sounds like a really good deal, actually,” Anna quipped, “Why didn’t you take it?”

Elsa slowly shook her head. “I didn’t get up to that position without doing some terrible things, learning some pretty dark secrets, and pretending everything was just fine and dandy. Par for the course for an executive to hire assassins to assassinate the assassins of the people below her eyeing a promotion, of course. Also that they would have someone hack into the R&D files, and find out just how exactly they wanted to conduct their research."

“… Should I ask…?”

The sniper recoiled. “In short, it was ugly. Very ugly. I was second to everything the company needed or wanted. I’m no saint, I’ll readily admit that, but Atlas? They were _monsters._

“The possibilities were endless for them, and my choices were running out. I delayed my decision as long as I could, and in the meanwhile, tried to control my powers, set up my escape, and grabbed a sniper rifle Jakobs had sent me as a gift.”

“That the same one you’re using?”

“Yes. Jakobs are extremely well built when they want them to be. Back to the story:

“Atlas had finally decided it had had enough and was going to proceed with testing anyway, with or without my consent. Though I’m no longer familiar with the legalese, there was something about my being an employee entitling them to use me for the better of the company. For a rather grim, dark meaning of the term.

“I had decided I’d had enough. I ran. I shot. _I killed._ I departed on a ship to the nearest planet over, and kept on hopping, and they chased me, till the weight of their collective stupidity and incompetence finally became too much, and Atlas fell. The company was dead, but by that point, I’d already made myself a wanted criminal, a terrorist, and a registered sex offender.”

“What.”

“I’ll explain later. I’ll admit, I’ve done some terrible things before my powers. But afterwards, I’ve constantly waived my right to call myself a human being, done things no person should ever have to do, sold bits and pieces of my soul to many devils, and died a little bit inside every day.

“I’m no better than the bandits we kill. In fact, in some ways, I’m _worse._ I’ve murdered countless people, innocent and criminal alike. I’ve earned the trust and the adoration of others, only to abandon them in their time of need, or turn around, press the barrel of my rifle against their heads, and pull the trigger. I’ve lied, I’ve cheated, I’ve seduced, I’ve stolen, I’ve flashed my breasts on live ECHOnet to cause a seventy-three car pile-up.

“I moved from planet to planet, colony to colony, station to station, until finally, my only two choices were Pandora and Promethea, and I thought to myself: why not go _rock bottom?_

“Every morning, I wake up and make a mirror with my powers. I look at it, I see my reflection, and I smile. I pretend I’m still a good, _decent_ human being. Then, I grab my gun, and I do _horrible,_ _terrible_ things.”

Elsa let out a shuddered breath. “I’m sorry, I might need a moment to compose myself.”

Oaken and Anna nodded, and fell silent for a few minutes.

“Elsa…” The gunner climbed up from her seat, careful to duck when the gun swung her way, “I think you’re a good person.”

“My rap sheet, unfortunately, backs my claim up, Anna.”

Anna sank back to her seat in the bed and fell silent once more. “You still helped me and Oaken out, right?”

Elsa gave a hollow, forced laugh. “Yes, ironic, isn’t it? Here I am in the most hostile, lethal, and inhospitable place in all the galaxies, and yet I’ve managed to find two of the most decent, good human beings I’ve ever met in my entire life, in a planet full of murderers, thieves, swindlers, and former corporate lawyers.”

The gunner nodded. “So you’ve just been going around doing jobs, killing people, and looting their stuff?”

“Haven’t you?”

“Well, yeah, but… maybe there’s a higher calling for us. Maybe we’re both on Promethea for a reason. Maybe we have these powers because someone _wanted_ us to.”

“Anna, what in the _world_ are you going on about?”

“Maybe we could become Vault Hunters!” The gunner sprung up and smashed her head on the turret gun. “OW!”

“Are you alright?!”

“I’ll live… oh…” She crouched back down, clutching her head, “Could use a little more of that cold comfort, though.”

Elsa leaned out from the turret, Oaken slowed down his driving. Chill, soothing frost fell onto the bump on Anna’s head, and she quickly relaxed, and sighed.

“Thanks… okay, back on track: Vault Hunting.”

“I still fail to see where you’re going with this.”

“You said your powers really got crazy when the Vault on Pandora opened, right?”

“Yes, and…?”

“Have you ever thought that maybe something inside of those Vaults might help explain our powers? Why we have it?”

“I’ve…” The gun turret stopped rotating, “I’ve never really thought of it that way, no.”

Anna stood up again, careful to duck well-below “head smashing” level. “C’mon, it can’t be a coincidence! Look at the Vault on Elpis, and the second Vault on Pandora—all of them have been hiding something. The Destroyer, Eridium, the Warrior, that crazy star map of all the other vaults—what if we go find and open them?”

“You do realize all of these Vaults have contained dangerous alien superweapons, right?”

“Which is why _we_ open them first, before anyone bad gets to them! I mean, you know what almost happened with Handsome Jack, the Destroyer, AND the Warrior. Do you really want a repeat of those?”

Elsa recoiled. “Absolutely not!”

“Then it’s settled then! As of this moment, we are a Vault Hunting _team!”_ Anna nodded, pleased with herself, “We can be… Ice Queen and Flame Princess! No, wait, that’s terrible, Ice Queen isn’t a very nice name… we can be… Cool Cranium and Hot Head! No, that’s even worse, who wants to be named Cranium or Head? We can be…”

“Cold Sniper and Hot Lead?” Elsa offered.

“That’s great!” Anna sprung up again. Thankfully, the gun had just passed her. “You’ve got your ice powers and your sharpshooting skills, I’ve got my fire powers and my…” She trailed off, her look of cheer turning dour, “…Really enthusiastic firing!” She smiled again. “You freeze and shoot them head, and I burn, punch, and fill the rest with holes!”

“And together, we open Vaults before people like Handsome Jack do.”

“Exactly!”

“If I may butt in to your conversation, ladies,” Oaken said, “It would seem the fate of that town, however tragic, has a bright side! The buildings burned and the people died because Little Long Foot got a Scoot ‘N’ Spring key; and now, with the loot of the dead, you two can go and find Vault keys before people like her find them!”

"I think it's definitely what those folks would have wanted us to do, too." Anna said with a nod of her head.

“Save the universe by being horrible, terrible people, huh?” Elsa grinned. “I like it.”


	6. Back to the Bunker

“Goodbye, ladies!” Oaken cried as he drove off in the Grumbler, “Thank you for your help! Good luck on your journey!”

“Bye Oaken!” Anna called back, waving enthusiastically from the street.

“Farewell, Oaken!” Elsa yelled, before the truck rounded a corner and was gone.

The two women turned to each other, standing in the middle of the street of Promethea’s capital city, in the shade of one of its many giant walls.

“So, we’re back in the Bunker!” The gunner started, “Let’s go find a place to sleep!”

“Already?” The sniper blinked, “We’ve still got tons of guns to unload, loot to sort, plans to make, guns to clean, and—“

“Doesn’t matter! Tired!” Anna cried, running off to the one hotel in town with far more speed and energy than a fatigued person should have.

Elsa shook her head and ran after her.

* * *

“Hello, madam,” Said H073113r, a Hyperion Loader with a bowtie around his chassis on the side opposite his one red eye, “Can I interest you in one of our rooms today?”

“Yes, please!” Anna said, “I’d like your chea—“

Elsa butted in in front of her, pushing the gunner back and discretely freezing her feet to the floor. “What my partner meant to say was: we’d like your most luxurious accommodations. Money is not an object so if there is any way we may upgrade it…” The sniper winked, “We would appreciate it greatly.”

If the repurposed construction droid could nod or wink back, it would have. “As you wish, madam. As it happens we have a special on a luxury suite with authentic Dahl officer mattresses, curtains with only three holes each at the maximum, and sheets that have been used once at the most and turned over to the unused side for your stay. Running water is also ensured for five minutes every four hours—a very generous allowance with no extra cost.”

“We’ll take it. How much?”

The Loader told her a rather large amount. “In upfront payment, madam, valid only for the next ten seconds.” It added.

“Elsa, what are you doing?” Anna angrily whispered as she’d finally defrosted her feet and left a rapidly evaporating puddle on the floor.

“I live by few rules these days, Anna, and one of the strictest rules I have is that when choosing a bed or lodgings for the night, you upgrade it as much as you can.” Elsa replied as she picked up their key. “Thank you.”

“Enjoy your stay, madams. Elevators are to your immediate left.”

The gunner sighed as they walked over to the elevator. “One of those folks that can’t sleep without silk sheets, huh?”

“For a corporate executive, and especially a wanted criminal, sleep is a luxury,” Elsa explained as she pressed the button for their floor, “And when I can get it, I intend to make the most of it.”

* * *

_“Ms. Winters! Please! Come out, we promise we will_ not _use force!”_

_They had sent a single, lone guard into the decrepit walkway. They were completely unarmed, from what she could tell; nary a pistol on their person.  
_

_“See?” They called out and raised their arms, “No gun! Not even a stun grenade, or handcuffs! Please, Ms. Winters, just come out and we_ will not _harm you!”_

_Elsa started moving in the shadows._

_“Please!” The guard said once more, “I can’t have another screw-up like this! I_ need _this job! I have a kid! Please! Please, Ms. Winters, just come out…”_

_She dropped down below them, her boots silently cushioning her fall. The guard remained staring up at the pipes and the crevices, oblivious to her presence. She crept up to them, readied her rifle, and pressed the barrel right to the back of their head._

_At the very least, she could make it quick._

* * *

Elsa shot awake with warm, protective hands wrapped around her. She frantically tried to shift and turn around, but whoever was holding her had a very powerful grip, one that simply refused to let go. And, she finally noticed, was drooling right into her neck.

“Anna?”

The gunner woke up with an unladylike snort. “Huh… wha…?”

“Anna. You’re in my bed. You were sleeping with me. And you’re still holding me.”

“Huh. Yeah, guess I am.”

“… Why…?”

“You were having a nightmare. You were sweating, whining, tossing and turning… I didn’t like seeing you like that so I climbed in and gave you a hug. But then you didn’t _stop,_ either, so I held extra tight, and then you _still_ didn’t stop so I guess I, uh, fell asleep waiting for you.”

Elsa blinked. “You did all this… because you were worried for me?”

“Hey, it worked when I was a kid! Except, it was my sister doing that to me, but I think it still kinda sorta worked?”

Elsa smiled. “Yeah… I guess it did. Night, Anna.”

“If you have any more bad dreams I’m going to go break out my powers and give you the warmest, tightest hug ever!”

“I think this is just fine as is, Anna.”

“Okay. Night.” The gunner punctuated the sentence by falling asleep immediately.

Elsa chucked. Frost gathered up in her palms before it crystallized into a flat, round mirror of flawless, clean ice. She looked at the face staring back at her, noticed the pale skin, the platinum blonde hair covered in grime and blood stains, the deep eye bags, the faded scars from bullets and grenade fragments, and the haunted blue eyes.

Then, she angled the mirror till she was looking at a face with rosy skin, messy, oily red hair covered in grime, blood, and oil that hadn’t seen a proper comb or a shower for months if not years, the fresh scars from bullets, grenades, and Psycho buzzaxes, and the eyes closed shut in peaceful sleep.

Elsa looked down at the arms still tightly wrapped around her, then to the mirror. She smiled at her reflection, and thought,

_‘You’re a good, decent person.’_


	7. Hole in the Wall

“I thought you said we were getting something to eat?”

“We are,” Elsa said as she stepped into the establishment, “And this is the place.”

The “Hole in the Wall” bar was exactly as you’d expect a border planet watering hole to be: the lights dim; the floors sticky; the music loud, pounding, and offensive to the ears; the smell of alcohol, puke, sweat, despair, regret, resignation, and discount air fresheners in the air.

Anna scrunched up her nose. “But why a bar?”

“One of my general rules: when looking for food, find the place that serves it alongside alcohol.”

“Ugh, you drink?!”

“Don’t you?”

“No!” The gunner vigorously shook her head, “Beer is disgusting, wine is expensive, and whisky just burns.”

“Did you two come here to argue about your dining options, or did you want to order something?” Said Mad Moxxi as she stepped up behind the bar.

Anna’s jaw dropped at the sight of the busty, scandalously clad bar owner, eyes scanning her everything, from the impressive amount of cleavage, the form-fitting red dress, to the sultry bedroom eyes, and beyond.

Elsa was completely unfazed. “Hello,” She said, “I’d like a beer, and whatever food you serve Vault Hunters, two servings, please.”

“Coming right up, sugar!” Ms. Moxxi said as she reached into her cleavage and extracted a bottle of swill, already uncapped. She sauntered off to the side to the Chef Loader. “Two Hunter’s Helpings, get on it.”

The bot with the chef hat and the apron covering its entire chassis sans a hole for its eye set off to the back of the bar, behind a flimsy set of curtains. Ominous sounds came from behind the veil, pots clanging, carapaces cracking, disturbing wet noises, and the steady rumble of an ancient microwave.

Elsa calmly took a seat by one of the tables, across a full booth. Anna grabbed the back of her chair and practically fell into her seat, still spluttering in disbelief.

“Something wrong, Anna?”

“How did you just not _that?!”_ The gunner sputtered, gesturing to Moxxi casually leaning forward on the bar. The customer in front of her did not notice that the prices had suddenly jacked up, nor did they care.

“I’ve used seduction so many times sex is just a tool to me, Anna.” Elsa took a swig of her awful beer, “And not one for pleasure.”

The gunner was about to say something to that when a woman on the other side spoke up.

“Ha! People at the table across, and one without a beer!” Janey grinned, “Time for you to take a shot, Athena!”

“Yeah! Drink, drink, drink…” Scooter chanted, banging his fists on the table.

The gladiator looked at her shot glass, and frowned. “I don’t know. Vault Hunting isn’t best accomplished drunk.”

Anna snapped her head to the conversation, then to Elsa. “Hey, let’s listen!” She whispered, before turning back to watch the rest of the conversation.

“Pfft, my great-great-great granddaddy always said: ‘you ain’t workin’ right if you ain’t seein’ double!’”

“That just seems like an extremely poor work ethic.”

“Ha! Tell that to the thirty-seven kickass cars he built!”

“Hear that? Thir-ty _seven!”_

“And why exactly did he build only thirty-seven…?”

“Oh, he accidentally put a fuel cell into the wrong hole. He was seein’ triple that day, he did.”

“I see.” Athena downed her shot.

Janey, beside her by the wall seat, and Scooter, on the seat leading out to the aisle, cheered. Across the table, Krieg and Maya sat quietly, the siren sipping her bottle, the psycho an imposing presence wedged into the wall and two seats.

“Hey, Athena, any chance you and Janey can get drunk enough to—“

“Scooter, I like you, so please don’t make me crawl over my girlfriend, punch you to the floor, and beat ya bloody.”

Beat. “Alrighty then!”

“Now’s our chance, let’s go!” Anna said, rocketing out of her chair and taking Elsa with her. The sniper wordlessly complied, her free hand still on her bottle.

The group of Vault Hunters and mechanics looked up at the enthusiastic gunner and the somewhat resigned sniper right beside her. “Can we… help you?” Athena said.

“Hi!” Anna waved with her free hand, “Couldn’t help but notice you guys said you were Vault Hunters! Can me and my friend join you? We’re totally Vault Hunters, too.”

“That’s not really my—“ Athena was cut off by Krieg suddenly raising his gigantic, meaty arms and holding out the two calloused, scarred, and battered hams and muscular sausages he called his hands.

The duo stared at the offered hands, then up to the single eye visible from the gas mask covering the psycho’s face. The gunner laughed nervously, and raised her hand up to one of them. “How silly of me, we didn’t even shake hands or introduce ourselves!” Elsa let go of her beer on the table and raised her hand on her own accord. “We’re—“

Krieg gripped both of their arms, his grip gentle, but firm and inescapable. The gunner and the sniper both recoiled as their powers surged and seeped into his body, the lines of energy hidden by the depth of scars and muscle on the psycho’s body.

_‘What the… hello? Okay… uh huh… I get it, I get it… no, not that much weirder than that we usually see, no… well, you are the extra voice in this head…’_

“Is he okay…?” Anna asked. Krieg was still holding their hands.

“Don’t worry,” Maya replied, “This is normal for him.”

_‘Uh huh… uh huh… got it… could you repeat that? Thanks… okay, big guy, I guess that’s it: let ‘er rip.’_

“I SEE A VISION IN MY HEAD!” The psycho screamed, finally letting go of Anna and Elsa’s hands.

“THE LADY OF WAR DESCENDS! THE HANDS OF ANCIENTS REACH FOR THE INNOCENCE OF BABES AND STRANGLE THE LIFE OUT OF THEM! GIFTS LEFT TO PREPARE PERFECTLY PRESERVED AND PARCHED PASTRIES WITH GLOVES MADE FROM THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENTS BUT MOSTLY THE **DAMNED!”**

“Still normal?”

“Still normal.”

Then Krieg’s head snapped back, and slowly, ominously returned to his compatriots, an unnervingly _sane_ look in his eye.

“Sleep well, Anna and Elsa; dream happy dreams at night, and when the sun rises, play to your hearts’ content. Your world shall not remain innocent nor safe from the dangers lurking inside the Vaults for long.”

Then he started shaking his head violently, as if he were a dog wringing water out of his fur. It abruptly ended and the psycho was back to normal, acting as if nothing ever happened.

Maya blinked. “... Okay, that was _definitely_ weird, even for Krieg.”

“Huh.” Janey put down her own shot, “Never seen _that_ before.”

“… He said our names…” Elsa whispered, her eyes wide open in shock.

Anna squealed in happiness and started dancing in place. “Yes, yes, yes! Okay, we are most definitely fated to be Vault Hunters for _real_ now!”

“I’m calling Lilith,” Athena said over the din, “Seems we’ve got two new recruits.”

* * *

“Alright, _potential_ members, listen up!” Lilith said as she paced in front of Anna and Elsa, “We of the Crimson Raiders don’t just take Vault Hunters in willy-nilly; you need to prove you are badass enough to survive the planet, let alone what’s inside a Vault.”

“What do you need us to do?” Anna asked, excitedly bouncing about in place.

“I’m going to need you two to go out to the Southern Wasteland and kill a dangerous bandit and total, royal bitch queen: Little Long Foot.”

“Actually, we’ve killed her already.” Elsa said.

Lilith paused. “Wait, what?”

“Did she have a rifle like this on her?” Anna said, pulling out her weapon.

“Let me see that…” The Firehawk said, leaning in closer to inspect the weapon.

**Little Long Foot Boot**

_This shoe really wasn’t made for walking._

Lilith pulled back, and took a deep, calming breath. “Okay, new recruits! You’ve proven yourselves worthy of joining the Crimson Raiders, but it’s only downhill from here! What’s inside those Vaults are nasty, and you need to be nastier! There’s an old Dahl facility just north of here, a tight little operation run by a guy who only calls himself the ‘Overseer.’ I want you to go there, take him out, and grab his power core so we can use it.” The siren glared at each of them in turn. “Think you can do that?”

Anna beamed. “Of course!”

Elsa nodded. “Shouldn’t be too difficult.”

“Alright then, lock and load, girls! You’ll be going at it without any of our other Vault Hunters, so either you come back here in one piece with that core or you don’t, got it?”

“Got it!” “I understand.”

“Get going, then!” Lilith said, shooing them both away. She waited until the door to HQ was locked again, and she was sure Anna and Elsa were both completely out of sight and hearing range before she sighed.

“Ares showers really that important to you?” Athena asked.

“Unless those two can magically provide me with a nice, relaxing _hot_ shower _whenever_ I want it, _wherever_ I want it, they can stay the hell out of our business.” The siren growled.

“This seems awfully short-sighted and selfish of you. As a leader—“

“Shut up, or I’ll tie you to a post again.”


	8. Failing to Plan, Planning to Succeed

“Anna, where are you going?”

Anna didn’t break stride, casting a glance over her shoulder as she replied, “What does it look like? I’m going out to that Dahl place, killing the Overseer, and getting that power core!”

Elsa blinked. “… Seriously?”

This time the gunner did stop, and turn around completely. “What, is there some business you’ve got to do? I mean, we’re on Promethea, it’s not like there are proper bathrooms around anywhere.”

The sniper shook her head. “Anna, I don’t mean that, it’s just: what’s your plan of action?”

Anna held up her weapon. “I go in with my guns, shoot them, and punch them to make them explode until they’re all dead…?”

Elsa blinked again. “You’re not even going to read up on the Overseer or this Dahl facility?”

Anna chuckled, and held up her gun once more. “I have what I need! Along with this baby.” She patted the Torgue triple barrel shotgun on her lower back. “What else is there to think of?”

“Oh, I don’t know… water, considering I’m empty and your canteen got shot to hell; sorting the rest of the loot we’ve got in our SDUs, deciding which to sell for money and which to send to the Grinder; cleaning our guns, because they’ve been out in the hot sands for days to weeks with constant, unrelenting use…” The list grew longer and longer, till the gunner stepped forward and gently pulled her partner’s hands down. She was up to seven fingers.

“Okay.” Anna said, “Let’s stay in town a little while longer, sort ourselves out, get what we need, and _then_ we go out to kill the Overseer and bring back their power core!”

Elsa smiled. “Much better. First priority is, of course, basic survival; let’s get you a new canteen and refill mine.”

The gunner nodded, before her eyes opened wide in a sudden breakthrough. “Wait… ice is made of water, isn’t it?”

 _“Frozen_ water, Anna. That aside, I’m not even sure if my powers produce clean, potable ice. There’s a whole slew of concerns like where would we even melt it down? How are we going to sterilize it in case it’s unsafe? And most importantly, how is this even going to work, exactly?”

“Well let’s go back to our room, put some ice in the bathtub, and we’ll find out!” The gunner said, happily marching back to their lodgings with a smile on her face.

Elsa smiled back. “Now that is a plan I can abide by.

* * *

 “Anna, stop, it’s not working.”

The gunner sighed and took her hands of the deformed block of ice, staring wistfully at the steam and vapours rising up above. “Well, so much for that.”

“I think I could make it work if we had some way to catch the vapours and condense it back into water…” Elsa mused, “But for that we’ll probably need a third person to regulate the temperature, and make sure I don’t freeze it back into ice or your hurt your hands.”

“Can’t we try doing that anyway?”

Elsa shook her head sadly. “The condenser will have to be a sustained anomaly; I just don’t have that much focus or control over my powers.”

Anna sighed. “Well, there goes our plan for free water. At least now we can steam clean our clothes or run a sauna, right?”

“Yes, I suppose.”

“So, let’s go get some water like regular people?”

“Yes.”

* * *

“What?!” A customer further up the line said, “These prices are even higher than they were an hour ago!”

“And they’re gonna be even higher if you don’t stop complaining and buy some!” Dr. Zed explained as he performed open-heart surgery four feet away, “Do you think this equipment for clean, safe water is cheap?” The doctor gestured with a bloody rubber glove to the machinery behind the bulletproof glass protected by two automatic turrets.

It was a huge series of pipes, some running through grates, some running through chemical tubs, some running into globes, others going down huge coils of heat sinks. Most of it was painted black or grey, and almost all of it was covered in bandages, duct tape, and rubber bands, its gauges’ glass covers shattered if not missing, and what few needles remained frozen well past the red marks.

Somehow, the whole churning, whistling, groaning mess could produce 100% safe water like on the core worlds.

Buckling down from the ire of the customers behind them, the complainer had their canteen refilled and went off grumbling about absurd prices before taking a swig of water.

“Hello!” Elsa said as she put her credits in and had her container refilled, “Could I get an extra canteen, please? My friend needs a replacement.”

“Hang on a sec, I’m still opera—“ The heartrate monitor flat lined. “Hang on a sec, I’ll be right there.” Dr. Zed waltzed over to the water counter, and picked up a refurbished Dahl canteen from under the counter. There was a bloody handprint on the faded but sturdy steel, but Elsa paid for it with a “Thank you.” anyway, wiping away the red on her dress before handing her original canteen to Anna.

“Now that the water situation is cleared up,” Elsa said as they headed out of the Red Redemption clinic, “Let’s head over to the gun store and clean our weapons.”

“You’re going to teach me how to do that, right?” Anna asked as they walked, “Remember: never knew you should clean guns until you told me?”

“I remember. I’ll show you how to dismantle your weapons, starting with that assault rifle of yours.”

* * *

“Elsa…?” Anna said, holding up the astoundingly filthy barrel and body of her gun. The rest of it lay scattered and broken on the worktable.

The sniper took one look at the rusted, bloody, muddy, burnt, dusty, oily, and fingerprint-laden menagerie of parts, and knew she was going to need more than one clean rag and bottle of machine oil.

“Anna, go buy more cloth and a box of oil.” Elsa said as she started picking up the largest pieces and arranging them into some form of order, “As much as you can carry, alright?”

The gunner nodded and departed for the shop area of Guns, Grenades, and Glory.

The sniper peered at the mess. _‘Stars above, how many components could one gun even have?_ ’ She was pretty sure half of the bolts and nuts in the rifle were added just to make the gun look cooler, or to fix some form of problem that had taken out the last owner. Her hands were soon stained black and brown, with streaks of rust as she struggled to make sense of the mess.

A loud crash and a yelp brought her out of the Sisyphean task, and Elsa turned her head to see Anna sprawled out onto the floor, bottles of oil rolling off every which way, the clean cloths sullied and dirtied on the various surfaces they had landed on. If it was any consolation, none of the bottles had popped open on impact.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine! Just get them over here, please.”

Anna did. The rags weren’t as pristine as Elsa wanted them to be, but it probably wouldn’t matter much. She poured most of a bottle of oil onto a cloth, and started cleaning the assault rifle parts.

“Can I help?” Anna asked.

“Just observe, and let me work, Anna.” Elsa said as she wiped the sweat of her brow with her sleeve. The gunner eventually started wiping it off for her with her a spare, mostly clean towel.

After how much time, several filthy mounds of rags, and three quarters of a case of machine oil, the parts were as clean as they were going to be. They didn’t shine in the light, nor were they completely pristine, “But this is about as good as they’re going to get if we aren’t going to subject them to an acid bath.” Elsa explained.

She laid her hands on the table, her skin completely covered in black, brown, and rust smudges of varying textures. The sniper took another look at the mess, the biggest parts—barrel, body, stock, and box magazine—arranged where they would be assembled, then at the huge pile of nuts, bolts, and choking hazards that still awaited reconstruction.

Elsa’s mouth fell open in mute horror at the sheer amount of hours the task would take, at her most idealistic estimates.

Anna tapped her on the shoulder. “Um, may I?” She asked, gesturing to the pile of gun parts.

“Be my guest.” Elsa replied, before she walked off to the sinks to clean her hands. Water was at a premium on Promethea, so hygiene used alternatives. She rubbed her hands with sand, and slathered them with cheap hand sanitizer.

All the while, she overheard Anna humming and working, tinkering and yelping, the occasional “Aha!” as she rebuilt her gun.

About ten minutes later, Elsa was back at the work tables, her hands about as clean as they were going to get. Anna was already waiting for her, her rifle fully reassembled, not a single part left on the table.

“Elsa! I did it!” The gunner cried, holding up the weapon like a child would a macaroni art project.

The sniper blinked. “You did?!”

Anna nodded vigorously. “I checked all of the parts and dry-fired it; I think it works!”

Elsa nodded. “Let’s load it and find out for sure, then.”

The two of them walked over to the firing range on the other side of the room. Anna reloaded her gun with a fresh box of ammo, took aim at a cheap sand and canvas dummy, and fired.

The resulting storm of bullets shredded the target, huge puffs of sand and dust as it rapidly fell apart. The unexpected recoil sent Anna flying back from the firing range, with her finger still on the trigger.

Elsa dove for the floor. The ceiling and parts of the walls with riddled with bullets, a terrifying hail of death and hot lead that went on for almost a full minute before the Bandit gun finally ran out of bullets.

Anna lay on her back, her hands holding onto the gun for dear life. Her eyes and mouth were wide open in shock. Dozens if not a hundred empty bullet casings were scattered around her.

“Heh.” The gunner said, “I guess I should start cleaning my guns more often…”


	9. Rule of Fun

“It’s getting hot in here, and it’s not just me!”

“Sweet, _sweet_ murder!”

“You’re dead, I’m not!”

“Fuel for the fire!”

Elsa calmly kept sniping bandits from the back of the battlefield. Anna kept on shooting, striking, and shouting, her mouth firing one-liners almost as much as her machine gun bullets. The sniper didn’t comment until the last marauder had been shot or burned to death—or in some cases, exploded into bloody chunks.

“Your powers seem to have turned you into a bloodthirsty psychopath, Anna.” Elsa said as she started opening containers for valuables and ammunition.

 _“I know right?!”_ The gunner cried over the ECHO as she looted guns from the bodies, _“It’s awesome!”_

The sniper hummed in agreement. “In the sense that we clear rooms at a rather fast pace, yes. Though, I can’t understand what’s with all the shouting.”  

 _“Don’t you say something when you do cool stuff?”_ Anna replied as she tried to pry an SMG from two exploded arms, _“It’s fun.”_

Elsa slowly shook her head. “No, I don’t, actually.” She opened an ammo chest.

 _“Really?”_ Anna torched the arms, and stashed the burnt gun into her SDU, _“Not even a ‘Freeze!’ when you blast people with your ice powers?”_

The sniper sighed. “It’s hard enough to focus, Anna; I can’t exactly be thinking of witty one-liners or puns, too.”

 _“Well, why not write them down and use them over and over, like I do?”_ The gunner replied as she emptied barrels and lockboxes of their contents, _“Or, you know, just yell the first thing that pops up into your head after it happens?”_

“You write them down beforehand?”

 _“If it’s gonna be one of the last things a bandit’s ever going to hear, I want it to actually be good_!” Anna protested, _“And seriously, you gotta try it! It’s_ really _fun.”_

Elsa cleared out the last container in the immediate area. “I’m not so sure about that.”

 _“Come on!”_ The gunner said as she ran back to join her partner, “Just try it out, once, for me?” She held up one of the sniper’s hands, her own glowing with warmth.

Elsa sighed. “Fine. The next bandit we see, I’m going to go say something ‘witty’ when I do ‘cool stuff.’”

“Awesome! Oh hey, look, perfect timing: there’s a psycho right there!”

One of the insane, buzzaxe wielding maniacs had wandered into the area, even though it was filled with dead corpses, littered with used bullet rounds, and empty loot containers, with the only two people standing obviously armed Vault Hunters. He finally noticed them, shouted murderous non-sequitur, and started charging.

Elsa held up her hand as usual, flooded her mind with anger, disgust, and indignation, and shot a spray of icicles at the bandit. “Stop.” She said calmly as the psycho froze in place, “Thank you.”

Anna smiled and nodded in approval. “Nice! That was actually pretty cool! Heh, ‘cool’; kinda appropriate because, you know, you’re Cold Sniper and you have ice powers and…” She trailed off, “…let’s shoot him in the head before he thaws.”

The psycho shattered into bits and pieces as Elsa unloaded a round into his head. She smiled, and readied another bullet. The sniper turned around to face her friend’s rather unamused face, and sighed once more.

 _“Now_ what is it?”

“You’re not even going to say anything after that awesome headshot?”

“Anna, haven’t you noticed that for all of our time, whenever I’ve shot a bandit in the head or a creature in their vulnerable areas, I’ve never said anything?”

“Well, no!” The gunner spluttered, “But now that you’ve gotten my mind on cool one-liners, you should totally have them for critical hits, too!”

“Am I going to have to think up of two-three pages worth of snappy comebacks and comments for every situation?”

“Well, not _everything!_ You know, the important stuff: activating your powers, getting a critical hit, going down to the floor so we know when the other’s in trouble, when you get back up on your own, or when you just do something cool, like, you know, shattering someone after you froze them. Maybe finding sweet loot, and some other things, too?”

Elsa blinked. “Anna, where in the hell did you get this idea in your head?”

The gunner shrugged. “I don’t know! I just think it’s really fun, and pretty badass; don’t you?”

The sniper was about to open her mouth, before another trio of bandits walked into the room. _‘Probably to investigate all the talking instead of shooting,’_ she mused. She readied her rifle.

“Hey, Anna?”

“What?”

Bang! “I’m almost disappointed.”

Bang! “Neutralized.”

Bang! “It only takes one.”

The sniper put her rifle down, and turned to her grinning, beaming friend. “That enough?”

Anna squealed in happiness and hugged her. Elsa smiled. “Okay, I’ll admit, it’s a _little_ entertaining…”

“Come on, come on, come on!” The gunner let go, and started making her way deeper into the Dahl base, “We have _got_ to find more bandits so we can totally shout more cool one-liners as we do badass stuff!”

“Did you come here to help hunt for a power core, or did you just _really_ want to use your powers and kill people?” Elsa yelled after her as she followed at a more leisurely pace.

“A little bit of both!” Anna yelled back, before the shouts of bandits and gunfire could be heard once more. Her hands exploded into fire and she rushed headlong into combat, guns blazing.

“You’re butter, I’m a _hot knife!”_

The sniper sprung up to a vantage point overseeing the battlefield, and watched as her partner started perforating and punching every bandit she could reach, bullets and smoke filling the air. She smiled as she aimed up at the enemy snipers up in the scaffoldings.

“You’re on fire! You’re on fire!” Anna shouted over the din of gunfire and screaming, “You’re _all_ on fire!”

Elsa lined up her sights on the enemy’s head, and pulled the trigger. The enemy sniper went down in an instant. “That all you got?” She said under her breath with a chuckle.

* * *

“Lotsa bandits, lotsa shooting, lotsa loot, still no Overseer guy,” Anna commented as they walked further down the halls of the Dahl installation, “Do you think he’s even in here?”

Elsa consulted the map she’d downloaded from an old terminal. “We’re getting close to central command, yes; I’d assume a bandit who names himself the ‘Overseer’ would—“

 _“I SEE YOU, FOUL WENCHES! Dare to barge into my_ sanctuary? Kill _my people? Take our guns and our precious belongings from our_ cold, dead _hands?!”_

“Actually, a lot of them were still smoking when I looted them,” Anna quipped.

_“SILENCE! My soldiers should have been ample warning enough for you to leave, but now they have fallen, and it is up to their king to avenge them!”_

“You make a rather terrible leader, you know,” Elsa continued, “Getting all of your people slaughtered like that without stepping in once.”

 _“Your bodies shall be bereft of breath soon enough, Vault Hunters… I know what you are after! I know that is I you seek! Come into my haven in search of my heart, and find your_ DOOM!”

“Um, where is that, exactly?”

The bay doors to the left of them whined and groaned, hundreds of pounds of steel moving upwards. Klaxons blared, lights flashed, and machinery whirred and beeped to life. Anna and Elsa readied their weapons and carefully strode into the command center.

A massive automaton stood in the center of the wrecked room, four spider legs supporting a blocky chassis. On its body were six robotic eyes, all scanning the surrounding area and glowing an ominous purple. Two of them locked onto the Vault Hunters and started charging with energy.

“Prepare _to meet your fate at the hands of…_

**The Overseer**

_Don’t look into the light._

The Vault Hunters ran for cover in the collapsed blocks of concrete and steel as scorching hot laser beams shot out from the constructs’ eyes.

 _“There is no escape! You can run, but you can’t hide! I have_ eyes _on the_ back _of my_ head!”

“That was a _horrible_ pun!” Anna shouted as she peered out of cover and fired a barrage of bullets, “You don’t even _have_ a head!”

“Agreed!” Elsa yelled as she retreated to better cover and vantage point.

 _“SILENCE!”_ The Overseer shouted as his eyes tracked their new positions. The freshly fired eyes glowed with residual energy, cooling off for the moment. _“My people! Come to your leader’s aid!”_

Bandits came out of the woodwork, propelling down zip lines from the ceiling or crawling out of holes and shafts. They all took positions and started shooting, if they weren’t charging straight to the Vault Hunters. The Overseer’s eyes fell upon them once more, and began charging anew.

“Light ‘em up!” Anna shouted right before she punched a marauder in the chest and exploded them into fire, “Elsa, I’ll cover you! You focus on shooting the Overseer right in the eyes!” She switched to her shotgun and blasted a psycho before adding, “I’d say ‘between’ but he doesn’t have a brain to hit!”

 _“You dare insult me?!”_ The construct screamed as he fired his lasers once more. The beams scorched the room once more, before it stopped abruptly, one of his eyes sparking and burning from Elsa’s shot. _“My_ eyes!”

“Please!” Elsa chuckled, before she ducked back into cover, “It’s not like you were using them, anyway!”

“You haven’t even hit us once with your fancy lasers!” Anna roared with laughter as she exploded another batch of psychos with her shotgun, “I bet you can’t even _see_ straight!”

The Overseer shouted in incomprehensible rage, readying his eyes for another blast. He called in more of his soldiers to replace the fallen, the command room gradually getting sprayed in blood and exploded hunks, the smell of burning flesh and fire strong in the air, smoke and sparks rising up everywhere. The Vault Hunters kept on firing and repositioning, steadily taking out his eyes and forces till all that remained was one flickering orb.

 _“You cannot defeat me!”_ The construct screeched as it flailed, twitched, and shook, _“I am the Overseer! I am—“_

“Gonna _punch_ your _lights out!”_ Anna screamed as she charged right up to the construct, her arm reared back and her fist flaming. Elsa lowered her rifle, mouth open in shock as the gunner rocketed straight for his last eye and dealt the finishing blow.

Boom! The Overseer’s last eye exploded in a violent shower of sparks, flames, and ashes, thick white and black clouds of smoke rising up into the air. Anna dropped back down to the ground cradling her hand, running away as fast as she could as the construct fizzed, burned, and groaned, his dying scream screeching through the air.

Thud. The corpse of the Overseer sparked one last time, before his flicker and glow faded away, leaving nothing but several hundred pounds of sizzling, sparking, mangled metal.

Anna stood in front of the corpse, still holding her fist, a huge grin on her face. Elsa slowly walked up to her, mouth still hanging open in shock.

“I… I can’t believe you just _did_ that.” The sniper spluttered.

“It was _awesome!”_ Anna cheered and raised her gun into the air, her other arm laying by her side, “I mean, I think I broke my hand but that was _SO_ WORTH IT!”


	10. Unexpected Developments

“Elsa!” Anna sang as she held something behind her back, “I’ve got a gift for you!”

The sniper smiled at her companion. “What is it?”

“Ta-da!” The gunner cried, as she held up a gun:      

**Eye of the Overseer**

_Gaze for long into the abyss, and the abyss starts shooting lasers at you._

It was a sniper rifle, a Vladof, and shock elemental, too. Elsa pursed her lip. “I don’t think I can use this, Anna; I need power more than I do speed. You, on the other hand…”

Anna’s disappointment gave way to confusion. “Me? A sniper rifle? You sure about this?”

“Vladofs are always about fire rate than accuracy; I swear, you’ll love it.”

“If you say so!” The gunner hefted her new weapon, testing its handling, “Might need to get used to this thing first, though!”

“You do that,” Elsa said as she climbed on top of the broken Overseer, “I’m going to go pull his power core out.”

“Oh, no, no, no!” The gunner said as she stored her new weapon, “You go loot the chests and I’ll get the power core! We both know who did most of the work back in that fight.”

“Isn’t your hand broken?”

“Hey, I’m still running an adrenalin high, alright? Let me do stuff now and worry about the agonizing pain later.”

The sniper smiled, and hopped back off. “If you say so.” She headed off to the red chests, her partner clambered up the wreckage, grunting and huffing as she made her way to her objective.

Anna rubbed her hands as she looked at the power core in front of her. “Alright… let’s get you out of here… just have to figure out how…”

The protective plates had already fallen away, exposing it, but it was still lodged inside one last piece of steel meant to hold it into the chamber. The core itself was still idly glowing and spinning, residual power flowing through the metal.

“Maybe I should just yank it out…” The gunner said as she gripped the covering and forced it open. The metal pulled up with a pained whine and the core rose up, ready to be stolen. “Alright! That was easy.” She put both hands to the metal, and yanked it out.

“Woah!” The part flew out, and took Anna with it. She wrapped her arms tightly around it, cushioning the power core with her body as they went tumbling back down the wreckage and to the floor.

“Ow! Ouch! Oh! _Yeow!”_

Elsa turned around, her eyes wide open, a frown on her face. “You alright, Anna?!”

The gunner picked herself up from the floor, still cradling the glowing core in her arms. “I’m fine! The core’s perfectly okay and it… is it supposed to be glowing like this…?”

The corpse of the Overseer glowed faintly for one last time, before it died completely.

Anna tossed the core away, but with only one working hand, it sailed but five feet in front of her.

Elsa ran back as fast as she could, and used her boots to rocket between the gunner and the glowing core. The sniper blasted a giant wall of ice between the two of them, landed on the other end of the room on her side, and looked away.

With a blinding flash and the shattering of ice, the core exploded.

* * *

Lilith sighed. “Look, I know you two killed the Overseer, and Brick here probably wants to buy you both beers for Anna punching him to death,”

“It’s true! I do!”

“But I sent you out there for a power core, and you two came back here without one.”

“That’s not fair, Lil!” Gaige shouted, “It’s not their fault that douche-schnozzle decided to set his core to detonate!”

“And you know what else isn’t fair?” The siren countered, “Springs burning a hole in my pocket for a water heater, conveniently leaving out the fact that I need a power core or a generator to use it!”

“She did just say it was in ‘working condition,’ though.” The mechnomancer said.

“If she had claimed it to be ‘ready-to-use’ then you might have a valid complaint,” Elsa continued.

Lilith held out her hand. “Don’t break out the legalese, please. Look, how about this: you two can stay, but you’re not getting any of the important missions until you manage to get an errand right, whatever happens. Either get me a new power core or find some way to get me a hot shower on demand.” She left the room.

Gaige pouted. “This sucks.”

“She has a fair point, though.” Elsa said as she stood up.

“What? You’re just going to let her get away with a total bitch move like that?”

_“I heard that!”_

“As I said, Lilith has a fair point; Promethea is unpredictable.” The sniper walked over to Brick, “I’d like to collect that free beer now, if you don’t mind.”

The berserker nodded sadly. “Anna’s in the living room with Krieg, by the way.”

Elsa thanked him and made her way there. She found Anna laying her head on the giant’s lap. The psycho was gently stroking her hair as she moped.

“I’m _smothering_ her _sadness!”_

The sniper nodded at Krieg, then turned to her partner. “You don’t mind if I take your free beer from Brick, do you?”

Anna pushed herself up, her unhappy frown turning into an angry scowl. “You’re going drinking?!”

Elsa nodded. “Yes. Is there a problem?”

“You’re going to get drunk, that’s why!”

“I find inebriation to be an excellent solution to all of my problems since I was of legal age, Anna; depression, regret, guilt, disgust, self-loathing, indignation, terrible food—little a few stiff drinks or several cheap beers can’t fix.”

Anna shook her head. “No! You are not just going to go to the bar, and drinking yourself stupid.”

Elsa sighed, and started rubbing her temples. “Well, what do you propose we do, instead?”

“Do you want to build a snowman?”

* * *

“A snowman.” Kristoff repeated.

Anna nodded. “Yep! You know, guy made out of snow, people build them for fun?”

The ranger slowly nodded his head, and consulted his furry companion. The huge, furry, friendly-faced beast gave the four-legged creature’s approximation of a shrug. He turned back to the two women standing out in the snow, with guns, and completely serious expressions.

“Okay. You guys go build your snowman; I’ll just be on my rounds keeping this area clear of baddies, alright?” Kristoff gestured to his shotgun, the sleigh armed with cannons, and his Promethean “reindeer” Sven, who had a shield and his own pair of machine guns.

“That Kristoff seems like a rather nice man.” Elsa said as the ranger pulled away to patrol the area.

“One of the nicest I’ve met so far on this planet, including you!” Anna continued, “He’ll even let us stay at his place when we’re done, how cool is that?”

The sniper smiled. “Very generous indeed. Now come on, let’s go work on that snowman before we freeze to death.”

“Right behind you, sister!”

Elsa paused.

Anna frowned. “What?”

“Just now you called me your ‘sister.’”

“Sorry. Are we not on the level of ‘honorary sibling’ yet?”

“No… it’s just… never mind, it’s ancient history. I’ll go pull out decorations, you go roll up a body.”

Anna saluted, and went off to do just that. “Roger!”

The weather was relatively nice on the perpetually cold and dark side of Promethea. The snow was only falling in huge amounts that could cover a man standing still in less than a minute, rather than howling and taking out whole settlements like it usually did.

It was as good a time as any to build a snowman on the inhospitable planet, and the Vault Hunters managed to build a three layered, mostly oblong snowman. They stuck a Jakobs shotgun and a Vladof assault rifle on the sides for arms, and a Bandit pistol on its face for a nose. A grenade mod and a shield formed the eyes. Shotgun shells were pushed in for buttons, and a row of assault rifle bullets added to its “face” for a shiny, vaguely threatening smile.

They stepped away and admired their work.

“I like it!” Anna said, “Intimidating, yet friendly!”

Elsa chuckled. “He is a very…” She trailed off, and stared at something just behind her companion. “Anna, pull out your shotgun, turn around, and start shooting.”

The gunner looked at her friend and blinked. “Huh?”

“I’m going to move to a safe distance!” The sniper said as she pulled out her revolver, “Anna, turn around and start shooting, now!”

Anna turned around without pulling out her weapons.

The monster was twice her size, a small iceberg with limbs and a face. Huge boughs of snow rested on its broad shoulders and massive head, two large black orbs looking back at the human, then at the heavily armed snowman.

**The Friendly Frost Giant**

_Likes: Snowmen, the people who build them_

“Anna! Shoot! Now!” Elsa pulled out her sniper rifle and started aiming.

“Elsa, NO!” Anna shouted. The sniper flinched. She struggled to regain her bead on the monster, before she noticed something bizarre: the icy titan wasn’t attacking.

“Do you want to look at our snowman?” Anna asked, and the giant nodded. She stepped away a good distance, and it started gingerly stepping around the creation, however a small iceberg with limbs and a face could. It looked rather pleased, almost amused by what it saw.

Elsa lowered her gun, jaw dropping at the sight. Then she pulled it up again, taking aim once more.

“Anna! Gun! Now!”

Anna turned to her friend, a scowl on her face. She held her arms out protectively, as if shielding the titan with her body. “I am not shooting Olaf, and neither are you!”

“The _other_ one, Anna!”

Anna turned around. “The other… _oh.”_ This time she really did pull out her Torgue shotgun.

The second giant was thrice their size, one-and-one-half up on Olaf. The two titans silently glared at each other, trying to stare the other down.

**The _Un_ friendly Frost Giant**

_Dislikes: People, other Frost Giants_

_(Snowmen are cool, though.)_

The two women started firing. The enemy giant was unfazed, even as Anna’s rockets exploded all over its icy exterior shell.

Olaf readied his fist, then remembered the snowman. He reached down, pulled out the shotgun from one side of it, and plucked a handful of shells from its chest. The creation crumbled to the ground, the monster loaded his weapon, and joined the firing.

The enemy giant started beating on Olaf, its massive arms shaking and staggering the smaller titan with every strike. He kept on firing until he ran out of shells, and started wrestling his opponent.

The shotgun barrages had left a large amount of cracks on the attacker’s chest, spider web cracks growing into larger and larger fractures. Elsa saw it through her scope, and realized what Olaf was doing. “Anna!” She cried as she got a bead on the center of the damage, “Shoot it again!”

“But I might hurt Olaf!” Anna yelled as she reloaded her gun.

_“Just do it!”_

Reluctantly, the gunner sent another barrage of rockets right between the dueling titans. The enemy giant’s shell finally shattered and fell away in huge chunks, the dark blue flesh underneath exposed. The injured titan roared and knocked Olaf into the ground with a mighty smash. It stopped to keep on bellowing, icy breath shooting out of its mouth.

“Anna! Shock, now!”

It staggered from the first shot of Elsa’s rifle. It started to scream as Anna unloaded shot after shot of high velocity, electrified rounds into its vulnerable insides. The giant tried to retreat from the losing battle, but the gunner was having none of it.

 _“This_ is for Olaf!” Anna screamed as she reared her arm back, fist exploding into fire. She ran right up to the giant, launched herself into its exposed innards.

They exploded into flames.

The titan screamed as it burned to death, thick trails of steam and vapour rising from its entire body, no corpse to hit the snow when it finally perished.

Anna landed back down to the ground, and smirked. “Didn’t even break my hand this time…” Then she turned around, and her mouth fell open in horror.

Olaf wasn’t moving, snow quickly covering up his body.      

The gunner screamed and ran to the unmoving giant’s side. She placed her hands on one arm, and tried to shake him awake. “Olaf! Come on, get up, we’ve won!” She blinked, tears welling up in her eyes, “It’s time to celebrate! Olaf? Olaf!” They started streaming down her face, the cold freezing them on her cheeks, “Please, Olaf? Wake up for me, please?! We can build another snowman, together this time!”

Elsa was already on the other side, her weapons holstered. She looked down at the titan, thick cracks on his shell, bruises and thick violet blotches just underneath. “I… I think he’s dead, Anna.”

The gunner sniffed, and wiped her tears away with a glowing hand. “Can’t you do something?!”

Elsa looked down at their fallen friend. Somehow, there was still a faint thrum of life inside him. She looked back at Anna, and nodded.

“I’ll try.”

She closed her eyes, and focused her powers once more. No happy memories, no comforting thoughts, no pleasant dreams, just thoughts of survival: calmly shooting bandits heads one by one even as more of them flooded in; fighting her way through the starport to her ship all those years ago; steadying her arm as she bled out on the floor, to make the last bullet in the chamber count.

The titan’s body started to glow. Just as power seeped into him from Elsa’s hands, so did thick trails and wisps of snow and ice start to fly off of his body and to the sky. A howling wind blew, knocking Anna down to the ground, swirling around Olaf like a blizzard. The storm stung their eyes and blinded them, but Elsa kept on holding until her hands fell away from exhaustion.

The blizzard exploded into a shower of delicate snowflakes before they disappeared. Anna held her arm up to her eyes, trying to see past the veil of white, the snow and ice gently settling back down to the ground.

Elsa lay on her back. Her eyes were still closed, and her breathing labored.

Olaf rose up, as if waking up from a dream. The monster was half their size now and chipper as ever. It looked around, smiled a crooked grin at Anna, before frowning at the sight of his new friend in the snow. He got up, walked over, and grabbed her hand to help her up.

A brief flash of blue energy traveled from his hand into Elsa’s. The sniper woke up with a start, her breathing quickly normalizing, her eyes blinking and struggling to take in everything, especially the miniaturized giant.

**Olaf, the Heavily Armed Snowman**

_Same contents, convenient packaging_

Anna cheered! “Woo! Elsa, you did it! Olaf’s okay! But are you okay?!”

“Yeah…” Elsa smiled as Olaf pulled her back on her feet, “I’m fine.”

 _“Elsa, Anna?!”_ Kristoff yelled through their ECHOs, _“What just happened there? First I think I saw a giant, then a huge battle between two of them, and then this crazy white explosion!”_

Anna chuckled. “Well, we were building a snowman…”


	11. Death At Any Distance

“A source of water/ in dry, hot Promethea/ is quite the blessing.” Zer0 mused.

“Gotta admit, it’s pretty cool not to be drinking ketchup and gravy.” Gaige added.

“Finally!” Axton cried as he threw his arms up, “I can stop straining my own piss so I don’t die of thirst.”

“Alright, you two, you’re in.” Lilith said as she dried her hair with a towel, “I still don’t trust you enough to send you out to the important missions all on your own, but if there’s a vacancy, you two are going—but the snowman stays as my personal air conditioner.”

Anna squealed in happiness. Olaf joined in the cheering, his personal storm cloud raining down snowflake confetti.

Elsa nodded. “That’s very kind of you, Lilith, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go see a black marketer about a refund…”

* * *

“Turn up the _heat!”_

 _“Grill_ the meat!”

Krieg and Anna went to town on the bandits, chopping, punching, and shooting their way through the ranks with murderous glee. Zer0 and Elsa stayed behind with their rifles.

“Very effective/ this ‘Cold Sniper and Hot Lead’/ death at any range.” The assasin mused.

“Yes, we do make quite the team, don’t we?” The sniper replied.

“Is your bond that of/ guns, fire, combat, and struggles/ or that of shared blood?”

“Honestly? I’m not sure, but I’ll call her my sister anyway.”

The assassin nodded.

When the last bandit hit the dust, the snipers walked back up to their bloodstained and scorched companions. Anna was hiding something behind her back; Krieg, they supposed, was trying to look excited.

“Elsa!” The gunner sang, tittering in barely contained excitement, “I’ve got another gift for you!”

The sniper smiled. “What is it?”

“Ta-da!” Anna cried as she unveiled a brand new, purple grade, gold and silver Jakobs sniper rifle. “And it’s only got the teensiest bit of blood on it, too!”

The hologram on Zer0’s helmet flashed “!”. Elsa’s eyes flew wide open, and her jaw dropped.

“Wow…! This is… this is…” The sniper struggled for words, “Quite the upgrade!”

“And it’s all yours!” Anna said as she started to hand it over, “Unless Zer0 wants it?”

The assassin shook his head. “I cannot take it / a gift meant for a sister/ Elsa, it's your gun.”

“Well, if he doesn’t want it…” Elsa stashed her old Jakobs sniper rifle, and grabbed the new one, humming as she tested its weight and ran her hand over the intricate carvings, “This is a wonderful gift, Anna, thank you!”

“Only the best for the best sister in the world!” Anna replied before she rushed forward for a hug. With the rifle awkwardly pressed between them, Elsa wrapped her own arms around her.

“Come along now, girls/ bandits are waiting for us/ to show off this gun.”

“This blood is not piping hot!” Krieg shouted, “Time to get back to the kitchen!”

The two women separated, smiles on their faces. “Shall we?” Anna said.

“Let’s.”


End file.
